Spell check says I am right... its beginning

Today was one of those days  when it was wonderful to be in Faceland.  Yes it was truly wonderful.  Besides the adults, a term I use just to be poliet, casting the first stone or whatever religious analogy you want to use.  And getting a collect call from karma to knock them down, it was a day of releasing negatives.

Back to the story.  We had a visiting face from the high cancel of faces come to visit us today.  For many years torment and tourture came upon all non butt kissing baby faces that got in the way.  But the tables were turned .  Be it Karma, what goes around comes around, whatever you want to call it, visiting head face was flawed and human.  Desperately trying to stay above the pack of baby faces, laughter and amd merryment was lauched around where there had never been any before.

It truly appeared for every insult and knitt picking comment a clump of hair was missing.  I tried for a moment to see if there was some other reason for this display, very hard to do.  So I gave up.......

Dear Universe;
I do not question your will.  But I will defer to a statement similar to this made by one of my teachers, " Do not worry about Karma.  If you are willing to take the kick in the tail the Universe is going to give you, proceed."

dftd
1. I laughed so hard I peed.

PS Universe if I am going to have to get that kick in the tail, with much respect can you send the last group that got me.

Respectively

ldhfme

dumb/stupid... I do not know

Well I didn't have to think long and hard for something to write.  I started this morning with the best breakfast ever.  It was shameful I had enough food you would have thought that I was working on the farm.  Then I was off to the hairdresser.  Well my hairdresser tore her back up , so off to another location.

When I arrived at the next salon I was greeted so wonderfully I started to smile.  the kind baby face apologized and advised me that she would not be able to service me.  She asked snobby island face to please assist me.  The response from snobby she is busy and another baby face will be in, when I asked when she did not know.  A little floored I wanted to make sure I heard her right, because I was certain the the fluffy waffle goodness was clogging my ears.  So she asked another face in the distance when is my baby face coming back, no one knew.  So I left and off to the next location I went.  This time only three stylists in the place and no baby faces to be found.  The woman that greeted me went to ask the African American baby face to do my hair.  The response why would you assume that I know how to do her hair... I was ping ponged around until the same woman was told to take me.  But she was very busy texting.  I turned to leave.  The kindly ancient greeter said sit she will be with you when she is done.  I decided not in a mood to tolerate any disrespect and it was way to early for a dftd, so I continue to walk out.  Ancient face grabbed me and said where are you going.  Spinning the cane around I am ready to fight... I don't mind beating and antique up.

Off to call corporate face up and advise them I tried to look presentable for my entrance into Faceland, but I could not receive any assistance.  Nobody wanted my money.

dftd

Poor customer service.

Assault

And the shear and utter disbelief that they did not and do not realize the gold mine they had before them.  I am a fat , black, sweaty African American woman that needs her hair done at least once a week since it is so hot.  I would love not to have to wake up at the crack of dawn , pack my meals for the day and rush off to the hairdresser.  The trips to the hair dresser is like black Friday.  But it comes once a week.  African American woman have as many if not more possible services that can be done for them.  And Momma always says she pays for peace, so a premium could be had.  I know I would pay a little more so I do not spend all day getting my hair done.


I need to have a back up hair dresser.  When mine is on the DL list I am stuck looking like a bush boogie.

waiting for Stepford wife face to say something about the hair...pray for her

ldhfme

a day away from Faceland???

It is my day free from Faceland, but I had to be courteous and contact the head faces.  I was trying to do the right thing, my mistake.  Being away for awhile I forgot what I was working with.  I tried head face and nothing, tried slick face, a phi face and finally yes you are a face.  And as usual yes you are a face responds sort of.

Now question for great grand warlock face, how am I suppose to be good to all citizens and visitors to Faceland, when my leaders can not be good to me.  (please note, no persecution complex rudeness ad the constant smelling of ones piss... rampant.  And in case you are wondering what that means jfgi.)  I would have tried to contact micro managing overly energized disrespectful condescending fighting for supremacy face, but really he is so deeply into the struggle to be head face that I would nap before i would finish getting his name out.

As I sit here I remember the many times the head faces never spoke to each other, they can not respect each other why would I think I was any different.  I always held out the hope that head faces were real baby faces too, nut that hope and faith is gone.  As I remember standing guard duty at the gates of town cane in hand it hit me, anything beyond a baby face I will be when I leave the gates of Faceland.

Standing tittering on one foot sweating my fat ass off /  Cane flailing around herding the throng of citizens and visitors to Faceland, like cats.  All the while listening to bob baby face crying because aunt Susie's birthday pictures can not be saved it hits me.... buzz zap.  My computer explodes between supper baby face head face Jr , micro managing overly energized disrespectful condescending fighting for supremacy face and yes I am kinda drunk face sending out their 1000th email( with a few facelanddating.com messages accidentally sent out).  I am a baby face working to find a good for the day, a dumb for the day, and to get paid.  Momma needs a venti black tea with 17 pumps vanilla and some new uggs.


dftd

1.  I forgot who and where I was.
2. doesn't matter who or what you are follow your path and story..... and don't touch me!!!!!!

rebound

I have returned to venting, and describing my time in Faceland.  Besides I have totally come to understand that you have to laugh or you will die.  So I have returned to document the dumb for the day.

Well being gone for so long there is so much to experience and get accustom to.  Well there is a new baby face in my universe.  I try to be understanding, comforting, basically show the kindness that I would pray my mini me keeps all of his life.  But here is some background information.  I am not a people person... I do not like people.  This simple fact makes existing in Faceland extremely difficult.  Well They say I am too old face, (Sorry K I never had a face name for you) said to me recently that she knew I was not a touchy freely person..... Hello she knew and respected that, everyone should.  Oh is it age, wisdom gray on her ass that made her know... made her know me?????

I have to focus.. this new to me face... Let us baptize you... You are Ewock face.  I must apologize Most Orderly face gnome cross with gecko face good but I like ewock. Well Ewock touches me.  Now this might not seem bad or even dumb, but ever since I had the surgeries I do not like people to touch me.  Now I tried to tolerate it because people just might not know I do not want to be touched.  But when this Ewock puts that furry mitt on me my skin begins to crawl.  I have tried the intelligent oh please do not touch me.  I tried the long explanation of my medical issues.  I mean really if someone tells you that they have issues with their legs and back, why would you touch them.... And I walk with a cane.  But no I can still feel the fury mitt on me.  One day the reflexes were quit good and I grabbed that paw and twisted and squeezed with all my might... screaming do not touch me you creature.  Did it stop of course not.

I brought powders, crystals and statues to faceland trying to ground, center and ward the demon away.  But nothing worked the demon was always present, Ewock became my personal psycho face.  Then it hit me so I prayed:

Dear Universe, please give me the strength not to punch this fury crunched up face Ewock.  Give me the strength to tolerate this new and foreign species, please give me a sign teach me tolerance and understanding.  Thank you for your continuous blessings.......

Then I waited. I keep hearing muffled sounds... so when that fury mitt ran across my back I grabbed it and tried to rip it off.  I was going to skin it and through it on the grill and feed it to the head faces during barbecue Faceland palozza.  I look up and I see Satan's little helper face... laughing.  He said I am sorry you were praying, I thought you were talking to me I was going to kill the ewock but you go ahead.......



Lesson:

1. Do not touch me.
2. Be careful when you pray, you do not know who might answer and how.
3. and the Ewock does so many dftd that you will see the name come up again.

To Clarify (vacation)

To clarify since seriously that fast, after the last post I got a text message about what surgery?  What is it for?  Now on the surface this is not a horrible question, is it?  Then when I tried to explain giving me great aunt sue's story before I can finish mine, not helping.  I am aware that people do not know what to say often.  But just straight to the surgery for what, and we aren't cool. J.F.G.I. that is some rude shit, especially if there is not a "how are you," in there somewhere.

Here it is one last time for everyone, including me.  I have two types of breast cancer.  I will be having surgery to remove both breasts( no spell check so I am not going to try to spell the medical term bi lateral mas... nah) and go through a battery of tests to make sure again that the cancer has not gone anywhere else. And my on going dftd, like not finding the spell check is I will  leave my fake boobs at home.


ldhfme

vacation

I have been quite deliquent with my letters.  I apologize.  I have been in a funk.  I had to return to Facenation for two days before I started my vacation.  Ok lets get the dumb for the day over and done with quick.  I am the dumb for the day.  Wait a mintue I am not being harsh, I truly am the dumb for the day.  Let me explain, whenever I take a vacation something happens.  You name it, it happens to close down work or production.  Whatever you can think of it has happen blizzard, theft, death, or surgery it happens when I am suppose to have a vacation.  Please do not misunderstand I am not mad, it is almost funny, because it happens every year without fail.  I am the retard that should expect it to happen, but I don't.

I sit here in the dark at the end of what should have been five glorious days away from Facenation. But I missed that boat too.  I got a sobering lesson today, I suck .  I sit here with my caregiver screaming in pain( not this second yeah pain pills) and there is nothing I can do to help her.  I had to call 911 to take her to the hospital.  We had to wait over and hour to get home and there wasn't anything I could do about that.  I had to take abuse to get to the store to buy food.  My son didn't do anything he wanted for his birthday, because I couldn't take him.  I couldn't help do anything.  A day late.

I was told today I am a dumb for the day because you need to know when to ask for help, and evidently I do not know when.  But when you put a note on a neighbors door and can not get a call or visit, or family dismisses you after surgery for a pay per view movie, or the person you marry says how is your surgery going to impact me, it is a little hard to holler HELP.

so here goes it:

Dear Universe and anyone you want to use as your instrument;

     I am sure I need to keep it short.  I am taking care of my mom who can not move without screaning for Jesus. I need her well. I need to find my son a school to go to because he has to get away from the demons he goes to school with now. I need the mountain of snow to be off the car so I can practice. I need to drive... legally. I need to know what to say, because some how calling the doctor means,  you are a burden and I hate you. I need the strength to be able to take shots everyday for blood clots.  I need to have my next surgery. I need to continue to believe that body parts don't define you.   I need to accept the fact that I can not have the "best," reconstruction because I am too fat. 

     And to all the people that you use to do your work, thank you.  Thank you for the people that offer assistance.  But help me to know what to say when I am asked do you need anything.

Thank you in advance for your assistance.


Now new dftd since this post was started one day and finished in another day.  I write this and other things here.........

ldhfme

from the sick bed

Well finally I am upright and at the computer.  I write to you from my safe haven and sick bed, here in Faceland.  I sit and reflect  on a conversation I had with a fellow baby face.  He spoke so highly of  the leaders, the leaders of Facenation.  I have been in this distant land for so long that  my thoughts have almost been changed, my mind almost not my own.  And I sit here and remeber my talk with several head faces about my important role I play in the running of Faceland and Facenation.  But then one question comes to mind:

If I am so important, how come no leader has checked in on me?

( Papa Face is excused from this because, he was just trying to make it work schedule wise.)Now please do not misunderstand my bretheren the fellow baby faces have showered me with prayers and kind words.

Now lets add some life lessons and basic knowledge I am sure no leader woud expect a baby face to have.  How is the kindom more important than the servants?  The servants make the kingdom.  So maybe this is a dftd as well as a note from Facenation.  This current adventure has removed any doubt from my mind... I am a lowly, meager,minor, and all of that sort baby face and proud of it.  So no matter what a leader of Facenation says to me, move over Popeye" I am, what I am."

I got a text today from a beasr face I have serviced before sending her warm thoughts and prayers.  This is a creature that  fights with me regularly.  She wished me well so we could fight another day.  Sideline minor dftd, never do test calls or text from your personal device.  But if one of the biggest beast faces ever can wish me well........ come on really????????


Still here in Faceland, but safe and feeling better this day..

ldhfme

Its not even and OMG

Well first let me apologize to myself and anyone else that might read this (hi Derreck).  I have to stop  trying to post anything late at night.  Between trying to fall asleep on the keyboard, rushing to finish before I fall out, and still not finding the spell chek I am riding my own perpetual dumb for the day welcome wagon.  But  three days before surgery lets excuse me and my jacked up writing.... For now.

Here goes the DFTD
     and when I wished to see one of my favorite customers Derreck.

Let us first thank the Lord that I did not have to wait on this whiny, pastey, skinny bastard.  This shrew wanted to make numerous changes to and account.  No big deal right?  She wanted to pay a bill as well.  Now we the members of Facenation will gladly assist anyone in the paying of bills, fees or and other tarriffs to THE NATION.  Now you say where is the DFTD, and why did I want ... NO HOPE to see Derreck?  This Queen Bitch Face customer said "FUCK YOU BITCH."  Yes Really!!!!  I was told no she just said bitch... Not what I heard though..

There are a few times that I can truly say that I saw solidarity in Facenation, but at that moment we unitied.  It looked like people rose out of the ground to be a part of this moment, and for support.  We were fighting about who was going to jump up and beat that shrew's ass.  Still looking for the dumb in all this??? Why mess with people that have all of your personal information?  And people that could at the very least direct you to possible solutions.  And really why are you messing with people?  You do not know how crazy they are.  And you don't know what they are dealing with.

and Derreck we needed and audience... or at least a co-signer


ldhfme

The B Inside

I am truly hard pressed to find a dftd.... NOT.  OMG.   I AM TRYING TO JUST FOCUS ON ONE THING.  BUT I COULD HAVE WRITTEN 12 POSTS BY 10AM.

BACKROUND

When I first arrived in the alien land of FACES.  I was afraid, intimidated and unaccustom to such close interaction with faces.  Previously I only came across faces many years ago and only on the telephone.  And when I could not understand the rantings, or behavior of this strang species I could escape them by severing the communication.  And poof they were gone.

But here in this mysterious land there is no escape.  Each face is replace immediately with another, until they are merely blurs and flashbacks.  The experience of travelling in this territory was so dramatic for me that I vowed if another stranger happened to dock on thes of Faceland that I would help the stranger.  Train them on the rules and ways of this land.  And help them remain as sane as possible.  Not possible.


DFTD  a mini story

"THANKS FOR BEING HELPFUL BECAUSE NOT EVERYBODY IS FACE," was working with a visiting face today.  The face he had was loud and ranting about things none of us had any control of.  Now anyone that has been in Faceland for more than 30 days knows sometimes it is best to say nothing.  This is because speaking only agravates the beast and makes the face talk, growl and stay longer than they should.  "THANKS FOR BEING HELPFUL BECAUSE NOT EVERYBODY IS FACE," told the face beast.......... wait for it wait for it, "You are Wrong."  Now in itself this is not a crime, but in the next moment he did not know who the face beast was and their number.... Hello you have been dealing with face beast for 45 mintues and you have to ask him and a fellow coworker  facewho are you,  what equipment do you have, and whats your number?  It is Facelands own version of "Fifty First Dates."  But in this version it make sou say, "Where's the love, man?"

FYI the customer made "THANKS FOR BEING HELPFUL BECAUSE NOT EVERYBODY IS FACE," cry.  I mean wounded animal cry.  Now before I feel a bit guilty about  taking a moment to say wow, he didnt like or appreciate my assistance before.  Plus he won't speak.........he is "THANKS FOR BEING HELPFUL BECAUSE NOT EVERYBODY IS FACE," and "Rude Face."  He asked for help and recieved it.  He seconded guess the help he originally recieved.  Others offered to help  and he declined it.  He wanted that ass beating and got it.

FACE PRAYER

GIVE ME THE STRENGTH AND DRIVE TO HELP ALL FACES "KIND" AND "BEASTS" ALIKE.
GIVE ME THE PATIENCE TO LISTEN TO THEIR RANTS AND BABBLING.
GIVE ME THE CLARITY AND SWIFTNESS OF TONGUE TO SPEAK TO THE LEADERS OF FACELAND, AND FACE NATION.
GIVE ME THE GRACE TO BE SILENT, WHEN ITS BEST.
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.... AND NOT TO HURDLE OVER THE DESK.

Ldhfme

It Starts Early

Preview: Baby Boy deal with it... If you ever read any of this, I do not rant gramatically correct.

Well the first d.f.t.d. I tried to use the mobile blog because the insanity started early.  That stupid mess didn't work.  We won't even go into the attempts of tring to make it work.  This is merely backround fluff.

Well the member of the face nation called and wanted to know where I was.   Now since this was before 10am and I wasn't due in until 11am I was confused.  Today I had to leave early to take more preop tests.  Well dah..... All the faces  vanished except for one.  And................ as faces do e wanted to know what was going on.  The faces can take time out to talk about each other but  no communication.  I started to explain how "Two Face" gave me permission, but realized the thumping I heard was a blood vessel in my kneck ready to expload....Now know this everyone already knows that I am having surgery, so wtf????

We are off for another multi d.f.t.d. day.

Lets describe me:  I am a 5'4", 369 pound, African American, bright color top wearing, UGG and Berkinstock wearing, Starbuck 16 pump vanilla venti black tea drinking, totally Pandora tricked out, stone carrying, pink loving,  reiki doing woman.  The only thing I have in common with my coworkers is that there are 2 other African American women( yes I am only talking about outwardly visible stuff.).  so my question is this how can you not see me?  Bald Face  talked to me about not seeing me.  REALLY!!! How is that possible? And he doesn'nt know my name.  What??  A customer asked for me and he didn't know what they were talking about, and he was less than two feet from me.  I am all for being politically correct, but as fat and black as I am everyone knows me.  He just sees faces.  Well my face is connected to a fat neck and a pair of 46d's.

Went to the doctors today for my tests.  I was picked, pooked ad proded .  Now a little backround, I live at the doctors lately.  I have had so many tests I have to sing them to remember them all.  Now wouldn't you think through all of that somebody would have noticed I have a heart murmur.  My doctor asked me has anyone ever told you , you have a heart murmur? Told her no, you didnt' tell me that when I saw you 2 mintues ago.  Really did I develop one over night?  Or within the hour?

And going for the Trifecta of Dumb

Ten year old boy is sitting at his fathers job doing his homework.  He needs some help with his math.  He asks for some help and one after another none of the employees could do the problem.  They tried breaking out a calculator, but nothing looked right.  The little boy guessed and all of the emplyees told him he was wrong.  He started to cry he was so frustrated. 


The Problem: 495 divided by 6
The Problem the employees were using 6 divided by 495

How many coworkers of 3D does it take to be smarter than a fifth grader?  37.....38....39..... we are still counting.  Never forget thes people deal with money and food for a living, be afraid.


ldhfme


p.s my own person dftd... where the hell is spellcheck... ahahahahahahaha not fixed yet.

would reiki help?

Alright I said .. or at least thought one post per day. But maybe I am overloading since when I have surgery I might not get and opportunity.

But first a shout out to Mike G for reminding me look there is and app. for that. So now I can write on this blog... on my Droid... Yay Droid really Does.

Question: Why bother talking about people and be surprise when somebody tells? I work with "Two Face," "Bald Face, " "Lord of the Faces," and "Awww Yes You Are a Face, Sorry." It took all I could not to ask Bald Face how he felt about Awww Yes You are a Face... Sorry telling on him.

Hello Face Nation why on earth are you surprised that we the " baby faces," laugh about it and talk about it?

Dear insert Face Name;
We the baby faces would like you to please stop talking about each other. Please do not misunderstand it is pretty damn funny, but we do have to help customers...

Sincerely,(omg ha ha please stop haven't we all read a management book????)

your baby faces

If I had a dollar for every time a member of the Face Nation talking about each other My Face would be on some money. I thought we all knew do not be surprised if someone tells it. Whatever it is. D.f.t.d. .... If people can't keep safes closed what makes you think they can keep their mouths shut?

Really 3 D

Today I really thought I would have to search hard for a d.f.t.d. But no f'in way. Today I have found and endless supply of them. Well I had to start the day with 3D entering the house and not speaking at all. But later this morning he calls and wants me to pay the bills because he can not figure out how to. As I sit here in amazement I realize I am no better than his rude a@@. Sorry Mom I have manners.... But dumb a @@

I lose…. I am the moron. I am sitting here getting angry about how stupid he is. Don’t I have anything better to do? Besides he does not care that he is “special.” Reminds me of a good quote; “There is a difference between stupid and ignorant.” I am ignorant because I am allowing him to pick my last nerve. He… he is… well I am going to start today not letting anyone determine who I am.

But Dang, as my son would say, it is hard, I am off in prayer.... and Starbucks.


16 pump vanilla venti black tea... on my way..

ldhfme

Dumb really dumb

I was sitting in the basement last night, not sleeping as usual and decided I should have a blog. But what do I write about. I am not Julie, Julia, The Mocha Angel, or a beauty blogger. Plus I doubt I write really well.

I thought about blogging for me, not anyone else. Maybe during this journey I can track my own growth. And maybe just maybe support and help someone else.

Let me explain the title Dumb for the Day; everyday I have to call or text my mom with something so simply stupid someone(even me) did or said. We talk a little about it but it is fun and really gives some perspective. That no matter what goes on there is always something to laugh about.

Well I definitely need that laugh. I am going to have surgery 1/20 so I might not make a post then, but I will be forever vigilant and locate the never allusive d.f.t.d.

I leave today with this d.f.t.d. I was at Starbucks and a woman was there talking about her phone bill it was over $2000. After a chorus of wows, finally someone asked why it was so high. She responed it was her son texting. so many people said they would kill him. She whimpered, " He is only a baby." He was eight. Really.... Yes really.