vacation

I have been quite deliquent with my letters.  I apologize.  I have been in a funk.  I had to return to Facenation for two days before I started my vacation.  Ok lets get the dumb for the day over and done with quick.  I am the dumb for the day.  Wait a mintue I am not being harsh, I truly am the dumb for the day.  Let me explain, whenever I take a vacation something happens.  You name it, it happens to close down work or production.  Whatever you can think of it has happen blizzard, theft, death, or surgery it happens when I am suppose to have a vacation.  Please do not misunderstand I am not mad, it is almost funny, because it happens every year without fail.  I am the retard that should expect it to happen, but I don't.

I sit here in the dark at the end of what should have been five glorious days away from Facenation. But I missed that boat too.  I got a sobering lesson today, I suck .  I sit here with my caregiver screaming in pain( not this second yeah pain pills) and there is nothing I can do to help her.  I had to call 911 to take her to the hospital.  We had to wait over and hour to get home and there wasn't anything I could do about that.  I had to take abuse to get to the store to buy food.  My son didn't do anything he wanted for his birthday, because I couldn't take him.  I couldn't help do anything.  A day late.

I was told today I am a dumb for the day because you need to know when to ask for help, and evidently I do not know when.  But when you put a note on a neighbors door and can not get a call or visit, or family dismisses you after surgery for a pay per view movie, or the person you marry says how is your surgery going to impact me, it is a little hard to holler HELP.

so here goes it:

Dear Universe and anyone you want to use as your instrument;

     I am sure I need to keep it short.  I am taking care of my mom who can not move without screaning for Jesus. I need her well. I need to find my son a school to go to because he has to get away from the demons he goes to school with now. I need the mountain of snow to be off the car so I can practice. I need to drive... legally. I need to know what to say, because some how calling the doctor means,  you are a burden and I hate you. I need the strength to be able to take shots everyday for blood clots.  I need to have my next surgery. I need to continue to believe that body parts don't define you.   I need to accept the fact that I can not have the "best," reconstruction because I am too fat. 

     And to all the people that you use to do your work, thank you.  Thank you for the people that offer assistance.  But help me to know what to say when I am asked do you need anything.

Thank you in advance for your assistance.


Now new dftd since this post was started one day and finished in another day.  I write this and other things here.........

ldhfme